Forgiving You

Amy,

I tau, everything happend with reasons. I tau you banyak talked bad bout me. I kenal you sangat amy.
Eversince we met lagi you dah tipu i. I still remember all the lies u gave me. Dulu masa you nak kat i, and you left aiza, you did the same to aiza. You fitnah dia macam macam, you said aiza jahat blablabla. Yang paling best you cakap you dah broke up with aiza for the past 2 years. In fact, you never separate with aiza pon. Even when you're with me, you came to my place pon still pakai your couple ring which i knew bout that dari awal lagi. The way u tipu i sangat tak masuk akal. You said ur age is one year younger than me, until i one day. Masa i sakit, i kirim u tapau food, and sent it to my place, u did put ur wallet that given by aiza, up on the table, and when u went to the loo, i buka yr wallet sebab nak put some cash, cuz i fikir nanti nak kirim u makan lagi senang. If i bagi you directly, sure u acah acah tak nak. So masa i nak letak duit tu, i ternampak your ic stated you budak tahun 90. Jesusss. Sampai macam tu sekali u tipu i semata mata nak dapatkan i. I tak tau apa motif you. I tak kesah la berapa pon umur you. As long as u sincere with me, i bole je accept. I rasa dengan semua orang pon i berkawan. I bukan jenis pilih kawan as long as i comfy berkawan dengan dia, any race would do.

I admit, sometimes ada juga baiknya you ni. Bila i sakit, i rasa banyak kali i sakit eversinces i tinggal kat melaka dulu, you jaga i sangat sempurna. Sangat perfect, cuma ada satu part je masa i dah kat jb for good. Itu i tell later. I rasa selama ni i sakit pon sebab you tak alert dengan kesihatan i, bukan nak blame u, but you tau i ada asthma, u tau i allergy banyak benda, but still, u hembus rokok u depan i, u ajak i gi club. I ingat lagi, masa malam awal muharam, and that time u promise i yang u takkan gi club sampai we both finish our exam, you dah habis awal, but i ada lagi 2 paper. U ajak i gi club, that time i was just finished recited yassin cuz its awal muharam. I said i dont want. And u answer me apa, "ouh kalau u taknak pergi takpe, i saje je ajak you" and you insists nak pergi even i tak bagi. Where are all your respect towards islam? I mmg bukan baik sangat, tapi agak agak la, banyak lagi masa, but bagi u, u still nak kejar kan vip pass tu. like hello amy, i boleh je bayarkan your cc if you willing to sabar abit. Bukan you janji nak enjoy with me ke? I tau we met pon kat club. I pon pergi club but at least i knw my limit. I rasa i ada hak nasihat u that time becuz im ur gf masa tu.

Kalau nak cerita habis kisah tipu u tu, sangat banyak. Ada yang i ingat, ada yang tak. U selalu deny even bila dah kantoi depan mata. Dulu u said with me ur virgin. Aiza was ur first gf and u never slept her. Kalau noty noty kiss kiss pon dalam kereta. Check in hotel pon tak pernah. Like omaigodddd. Until one night, u admit sebab u terlepas cakap masa kat krabi tu. U went to genting, check in just to sleep with her. Ya Allah amy, u perasan tak ur style, everytime berjanji, u siap bersumpah, nagis nagis nak suruh i percaya. U guna nama Allah. Alquran siap junjung kitab bagai. Ini belum kawin amy. You janji nak kenalkan i to your famly. But what i get. Dari last year, sampai 2013, nothing. U kata masa raya, bila raya you cakap u tak buat pon open house at yr place. Tup tup masa nak g lcct, ika, gf acap ckp dia pernah dtg rumah u, masa raya last year u buat open house and she met u few times before. Padahal bila i tanya u, u said ni la kali pertama u jumpa ika tu. haih. U knw me, i slalu buat buat tak tau but truly i tau sebenarnya. Yang paling sad, u janji nak bawa i and jemput i to ur house on ur bro's big day and i bet itula masa yg terbaik untuk u kenalkan i to ur famly. But u did nothing. U cket pon tak usaha bout this. Byk kali i asked u, whether u jd mcm ni is it becuz ur mom tak suka u kawan gan i cuz i tua abit than you. You said, noo ur mom cool aje. I tak minta u kawin gan i skrg, but at least bagi la i kepastian cket, show that u ni serious nak berfuture with me.
Tu pon susah ke. I bet almost all of my family member you've met. You even pernah makan setable with my parents n famly. And i tak pernah hide you from my famly pon. Never amy ! I tak segan n

malu to show u to the world. Until satu tahap bila u dah byk make me down n u hurted me so bad, i terpaksa hidekan relationship kita. Sebab satu reason yang kukuh is my parents, mom especially memang dah tak boleh terima you. After what u did to me, my mom sebut nama you pon dah tak nak.
I bet u tau sebab sebabnya. So tak payah la i mention here.

Yang paling i fak boleh lupakan bila one day i was in jb, i migrain sebab banyak kerja, so i sleep early that night. U promised to call me before you tido. Cuz that time u busy study sebab esok pagi tu u ada last final ppr. And that night is wednesday. Patut la mlm tu i tak sedap hati je. U texted me at 1am you said you nak tdo. Until 5am i terjaga. So i terus call you, tot nak kejut u bangun do some last revision n smyg subuh. Tup tup i dengar u bkn macam tdo. Ur voice sgt segar. So i tak sedap hati i trus hang up. And i face time with u. I rasa 3 kalu u rejected my calls. Until the forth one u answered.
I ingat lagi, i tanya you, you kat mana? U said kat bilik sedangkan dah terang terang i nampak u dalam kereta kancil you tu. then u bg alasan, yang yang jab, nak berakkk. What a silly excuse. Then i said wait ah, buka lampu dulu. Then u said tak tahan dah ni. Then i started to cry. Dengan baju berkolar, rambut pacak with jam kat tangan, haih...depan mata pon u still nak menipu i kan. U tak rase ke i patut marah. Bukan i nak control u, but u fikir la esok pagi u exam. Haih. U dahla kaki minum, ur tummy can tell everything amy. U janji nak stop smoking. I tengok ligat je you bli rokok.
Bukan nak kutuk, but everytime kiss mesti bau rokok. And thats why i slalu elak to kiss you.

Amy i byk makan hati at you, i even bergaduh with illi sebab nak defends you sebenarnya. Ramai kawan kawan i yang mmg naik tak suke i kawan gan u. Dengan perangai u yang tak matang, and if i nak tunggu u habis study lagi 3 years, nak kerja lagi. Bila laaa i nak kawin. But kalau pk cinta, i sanggup je tunggu tapi bila pk perangai u yang tak sudah sudah tipu i tu buat i bosan and give up. Lagi lagi my mom dah tak suke u bi tak pernah create story amy. This is the truth. Even u pon perasan masa u dtg my house after ur bro kawin tu just to pujuk me, my mom was hiding herself not to see you kann. U even noticed bout this.

And afterall, we made a deal, u said u nak pujuk but i said no i nak break up. U said pls jgn leave u. I said bole, kenalkan i gan ur famly which i knw u would never dare to do that. Then i asked u ti take me to vacay. You said okey, ur treat. Okey and i rasa masa kat krabi kita bukan happy sangat pon. Banyak kali kita bergaduh and we waste time kat hotel sebab i sakit teruk 2 hari. Even since before pergi lagi byk kali i cakap i nak cancel pergi but u push me untuk pergi juga. And right after i sampai jb tu. i trus ignore u and i only layan h thru imsg, and i ada cakap i nak break up. And u even setuju bout this ! You even ugut i with these line "if itu yang you nak, i redha. Tapi kalau datang melaka bitau la, kalau u kat melaka, u i punya" i even x paham apa maksud you but it sounded you memang tak puas hati with me.

I rasa before i jumpa zaman which is abang shasha, i dah broke up with you. Cuma silap i to zaman is i tipu dia cakap i went to krabi with my gff. I bet semua orang i cakap benda sama, even with my family. I have to. Sebab apa? My famly da tak bole accept you. And we make a dealt yg kita taknak orang tau yang kita pergi berdua. And you pon taknak you famly tau bout this kan??

Kenapa bila you tau i date gan zaman, you tak puas hati? Apa masalah you sebenarnya? I bagi u time to find new number before i terminate my number yang u pakai tu. i even paid the bill edi. Kenapa masa bila i dengan you, you tak pernah jaga hati i, kenapa bila u tengok i happy, you dengki i? U burukkan i just like what u did to aiza. Amy u kata u nak jadi matang. U kata u nak focus study, i bagi u peluang to study, naikkan pointer u yang dah dropped tu. stop dreaming, u selalu berangan but u did nothing. Amy between you and me, kita mmg tak meant to be. I taknak jadi the samee thing to us just like my brother hefny. I taknak relationship yang tak direstu. U pon tau what had happend to my brother kan. You kene fikir my side juga. Stop being selfish. Kalau you betul sayangkan i, u shud be happy when ubsee me happy even with someone else.