I've been trying to stay away from phones, computers and the internet as much as I could lately...but then having a mobile iPad apparently defeats the purpose. Lols.
In the past fortnight, I have been an emotional rollercoaster. You know how they say there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Well, they lied. There's just so much more to it and I'm not even close to acceptance.
I've avoided talking about what happened, I've held my tongue, cause talking about it makes it real - or surreal, i guess. And thinking back, I would never have been able to imagine myself being in this position again after all the learnt lessons, all the things I did differently, the changed person I had become. I really thought this was it. I wanted this to be it.
In the past fortnight, I have been an emotional rollercoaster. You know how they say there are 5 stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. Well, they lied. There's just so much more to it and I'm not even close to acceptance.
I've avoided talking about what happened, I've held my tongue, cause talking about it makes it real - or surreal, i guess. And thinking back, I would never have been able to imagine myself being in this position again after all the learnt lessons, all the things I did differently, the changed person I had become. I really thought this was it. I wanted this to be it.
One thing I know, I believe Allah has good plans for us. It might hurt a little now and then, but in the end we will understand why we have to go through all of that hardships first. Percaya kepada qada’ dan qadar. Semua yang berlaku tiada yang sia-sia.
It doesn’t mean that by believing in all of this, we have to be complacent. Like “Oh, dah memang nak jadi macam ni nak buat macam mana kan, biar jelah, semua ada hikmah”, definitely NOT in that sense. It should make us work as hard as we could, and tawakal. If it doesn’t go the way you wanted it to, don’t worry, Allah’s timing is
always perfect. It always is :)
To the few that I have actually spoken to, nearly all of them demonstrated disbelief and disappointment. Because to the world, we were ideal. To the world, you were close to perfect... Up until now, cause now, you're not so different from everyone else. And as easy as it was for them to be angry towards you but its not so easy for me. I'm still wrapping my head around it.
Because, have you ever looked at someone and thought that they were perfect in every way, but then you get to know them and realize they're weren't, yet you still loved them all the same. If only this worked for us both ways, it'd be enough.
I miss you and I could think of a billion things to say to you right now.
Zana xx
p/s: tell me now, and tell me quick: what is it that you do that makes others so happy. That makes others feel so special?
No comments:
Post a Comment